Yes, all of us are made of emotions and sentiments, to reiterate, these emotions are very essential driver of any healthy and happy relationship but the very fact many of us may not be aware of is simple yet intriguing that sometime these sentiments and emotions suck the life from your conversations, leaving your communication digressed into a different zone altogether.
Just imagine, what we would have been without these emotions and feelings, but over the years, I have also identified a set of emotional drivers that suck the power out of your conversation (no matter how right was you), leaving you unheard, hurt, angry, stressed and vulnerable and you end up wondering what have you done wrong, you were just trying to communicate, isn’t it? I call them spongers. Most of the people, including me, have some or most of them in one or other form. Well, I am not saying they are bad or wrong but they at times take the power away from your communication, hence, it is very essential to identify them before it is too late. The trick is to be really mindful of them and not let them play out in your relationship.
Sponger 1: Don’t do Things or Say Yes Half-heartedly: We all have been in a situation where we have said or done things half- heartedly, because we wanted to go with the flow, trying to make everyone around us happy. But what we didn’t realize in the process was in making our loved ones happy we dismissed our own true feelings and emotions, which remained unheard. Like the bottle of soda, these bottled up unheard emotions will keep bubbling inside us until it finds a way to come out abruptly, some or other day. So, how can we refrain from getting into such situations? Trick you ask, right? Well, the trick which I have learned, is to be conscious of your own true feeling and thoughts, to hear them clearly and express it freely when you are not angry, I repeat again, when you are not angry! Saying “Yes” mindlessly or doing things even when a part of you doesn’t want it will only lead to chaos and make your life miserable. So be mindful of your decisions, after all it is you who has to live with the consequences, later on!
Sponger 2: Thought becomes Actions: I’m sure, we all would have heard about the phrase, “Thought become things!” But, what we didn’t understand, what happens when thought become things?! Thoughts come and go on a daily basis. In fact, a million of thoughts cross our mind in a day, but there are some of the very powerful thoughts, which remain unsettled in our subconscious mind for some or other reason. Have you ever heard of the term “Unfinished Business”? Some of these thoughts are unfinished business with which we could not come to terms with earlier. Every unsettled though has a lifecycle, and we have to come to terms with each of these thought within that lifecycle. Thoughts (mostly negative) that remain unsettled during its lifecycle, and are carried forward to next cycle, often lead to undesired results. So, the trick is to identify those negative thoughts or emotions, try to come to terms with it within its stipulated time, if nothing, making peace with it is last and the least risky thing you can resort to.
Sponger 3: Don’t over Commit and Underperform: There is a saying,“ Higher the expectations, grater the disappointments.” Most of the problems we face in the life are only because of miss matched expectations. However, expectation is also a very essential driver for any happy and healthy relationship but when people commit things beyond their capacity, they fail to provide for it, and that’s where the whole imbalance occurs. So, the trick is to negotiate the expectations from time to time and discard the impractical ones. Commit to provide for the things only when it will not drain you from inside in the process. According to law of the nature, you can’t pour from an empty cup. We all are human beings and it’s our responsibility to take care of ourselves, emotionally, mentally and physically first, no matter what!
Sponger 4: Not Maintaining a Journal: Many a times, we are not able to identify a thought because we are not aware of it in first place. Like I said above, thought comes and go on a daily basis, but some of these unsettled thoughts remain there in our subconscious mind and will trouble us from time to time, making us stressed, angry, sad, even vulnerable at times. So, the trick is to first identify them, pen them down and decide what course of action you will like to have for these thoughts. For example, there might be some thoughts which you need a tip for or there might be certain thoughts which you would like to resolve or there might be a few emotions which needs some correction or healing. Sometimes all you would need is an added unbiased professional opinion to put the things in perspective. So, decide what it is for you but the trick is to be mindful of these unwanted thoughts and the action you want for each of them.
See we know, life is not easy and it will never be. But, the question that comes often in my mind; had life been easy, would it be worth it?!? We will have our share of troubles, disappointments etc. etc. but staying mindful of our thoughts and actions can save us some energy for sure. There would be moments in our life where we would feel sad, angry, hurt but practicing these pointers will make the sail a little easier. So, practice them as and when you can and let me know your opinion on this! Will be glad to hear from you in the comment section!!
Stay Mindful, Stay Happy! 😊