Feelings, Emotions, Actions, Consequences.. That is Life!

Yes, all of us are made of emotions and sentiments, to reiterate, these emotions are very essential driver of any healthy and happy relationship but the very fact many of us may not be aware of is simple yet intriguing that sometime these sentiments and emotions suck the life from your conversations, leaving your communication digressed into a different zone altogether.

Just imagine, what we would have been without these emotions and feelings, but over the years, I have also identified a set of emotional drivers that suck the power out of your conversation (no matter how right was you), leaving you unheard, hurt, angry, stressed and vulnerable and you end up wondering what have you done wrong, you were just trying to communicate, isn’t it? I call them spongers. Most of the people, including me, have some or most of them in one or other form. Well, I am not saying they are bad or wrong but they at times take the power away from your communication, hence, it is very essential to identify them before it is too late. The trick is to be really mindful of them and not let them play out in your relationship.

Sponger 1: Don’t do Things or Say Yes Half-heartedly: We all have been in a situation where we have said or done things half- heartedly, because we wanted to go with the flow, trying to make everyone around us happy. But what we didn’t realize in the process was in making our loved ones happy we dismissed our own true feelings and emotions, which remained unheard. Like the bottle of soda, these bottled up unheard emotions will keep bubbling inside us until it finds a way to come out abruptly, some or other day. So, how can we refrain from getting into such situations? Trick you ask, right? Well, the trick which I have learned, is to be conscious of your own true feeling and thoughts, to hear them clearly and express it freely when you are not angry, I repeat again, when you are not angry! Saying “Yes” mindlessly or doing things even when a part of you doesn’t want it will only lead to chaos and make your life miserable. So be mindful of your decisions, after all it is you who has to live with the consequences, later on!

Sponger 2: Thought becomes Actions: I’m sure, we all would have heard about the phrase, “Thought become things!” But, what we didn’t understand, what happens when thought become things?!  Thoughts come and go on a daily basis. In fact, a million of thoughts cross our mind in a day, but there are some of the very powerful thoughts, which remain unsettled in our subconscious mind for some or other reason. Have you ever heard of the term “Unfinished Business”? Some of these thoughts are unfinished business with which we could not come to terms with earlier. Every unsettled though has a lifecycle, and we have to come to terms with each of these thought within that lifecycle. Thoughts (mostly negative) that remain unsettled during its lifecycle, and are carried forward to next cycle, often lead to undesired results. So, the trick is to identify those negative thoughts or emotions, try to come to terms with it within its stipulated time, if nothing, making peace with it is last and the least risky thing you can resort to.

Sponger 3: Don’t over Commit and Underperform: There is a saying,“ Higher the expectations, grater the disappointments.” Most of the problems we face in the life are only because of miss matched expectations. However, expectation is also a very essential driver for any happy and healthy relationship but when people commit things beyond their capacity, they fail to provide for it, and that’s where the whole imbalance occurs. So, the trick is to negotiate the expectations from time to time and discard the impractical ones. Commit to provide for the things only when it will not drain you from inside in the process. According to law of the nature, you can’t pour from an empty cup. We all are human beings and it’s our responsibility to take care of ourselves, emotionally, mentally and physically first, no matter what!

Sponger 4: Not Maintaining a Journal: Many a times, we are not able to identify a thought because we are not aware of it in first place. Like I said above, thought comes and go on a daily basis, but some of these unsettled thoughts remain there in our subconscious mind and will trouble us from time to time, making us stressed, angry, sad, even vulnerable at times. So, the trick is to first identify them, pen them down and decide what course of action you will like to have for these thoughts. For example, there might be some thoughts which you need a tip for or there might be certain thoughts which you would like to resolve or there might be a few emotions which needs some correction or healing. Sometimes all you would need is an added unbiased professional opinion to put the things in perspective. So, decide what it is for you but the trick is to be mindful of these unwanted thoughts and the action you want for each of them.

See we know, life is not easy and it will never be. But, the question that comes often in my mind; had life been easy, would it be worth it?!? We will have our share of troubles, disappointments etc. etc. but staying mindful of our thoughts and actions can save us some energy for sure. There would be moments in our life where we would feel sad, angry, hurt but practicing these pointers will make the sail a little easier. So, practice them as and when you can and let me know your opinion on this! Will be glad to hear from you in the comment section!!

 

Stay Mindful, Stay Happy! 😊

 

  UrWellnessBuddy Blogs

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Social Media Blues: Research Shows How Heavy FB Use Diminishes Your Well-Being and Could Lead to Isolation!

“The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.– Lily Tomlin

With everything about our lives being a post on Social Media, the need for likes, loves, validation and emoticons has changed the game of socializing. From a lunch photo shared on Instagram to the latest dress modelled for Facebook and the constant check-ins that we so proudly follow, the idea of ‘socializing’ is no more restricted to meeting friends on a weekend or a relaxing week-long journey to Maldives with family and spending some quality time. How then, is this not a constant need to impress- to receive validation for every move in our lives, living to impress not to express, really worth it?

Well, the social media giant ‘Facebook’ gets the prize for notifying people of every little step we take. From the latest live video feature to the constant check-ins, Facebook has become a truth-checker for birthdays, marriages and even jobs! If you are one of the few who still thinks that Facebook is one of the ‘safer’ options, read on to know these astounding facts about the impact of heavy Social Media use on one’s well-being.

  1. More than 2 hours per day can cause Isolation:

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Amidst all the long list of friends on Facebook, we forget that the simple greetings given with a handshake or a hug, is something that we all are hard-wired to and no matter what your age is, keeping in contact with people only over the computer will only cause isolation.

  1. Opinions or ‘keeping in touch’?

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The truth is Social Media works on letting your opinion known. Compare this to a live situation where you are commented on what you wear all day long. Tiring, isn’t it? That’s the game of social media- we don’t realize how much we are engrossed in getting validation for things that won’t even matter in the long run. Would it?

  1. Reel Life Vs Real Life:

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The use of social media revolves around the idea of social validation and comparison. Comparison is a human drive, we all do it in some or other way but social media perpetuates this issue many folds. And as a result, Facebook posts often leaves a strong negative impact on our well-being, when we constantly compare our behind-the-scenes to everyone else’s highlights reel-life, our hustles to their highlights. Bottom line is simple, don’t lose the sight of who we are, what we do have, and all the things that we can be grateful for.

Because the ultimate trust is:

“Your behind-the-scenes are more honest and beautiful than anything on the highlight reel.”

  1. An addition that distracts from quality time:

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Ever been to a family function or a friends’ party or reunion to see everybody bent over their phones (trust me, it sucks big time)? The need to be connected to 1500 people instead of 5 in real life might be tempting for most of us, for sure! But what we forget is how it isolates us from the 5 people who really care about us and have taken time out just to catch up with us. What a real-life social network can do, is something that no chat on a messenger can. Nothing beats an in-person social relationship, take my words for it!

  1. Ubiquity of Social Media and Epidemic Loneliness:

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Despite the ubiquity of social media, we are facing epidemic of loneliness and social isolation. Perhaps one of the most powerful tools for improving our emotional and social well-being is real life social connections – the presence of genuine, strong and meaningful relationships where one feels understood and supported not constantly being compared or judged.

Well, even the online networking companies have realized the benefits and opportunities for strong-offline, an in-person social relationship. And as a result, Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg published a letter in February 2017 describing his vision for Facebook as a platform that builds real-life support systems. Tinder has recently developed new products within its app to encourage users to meet in person. Hmmm… Still, didn’t get my point??

The bottom line, you ask, right? All I would say, don’t become a victim of mindless persuasions of social media and follow these quick fix. Have a quick check on Facebook /Instagram /Twitter and then run or work out or meditate (it could be anything you love to do)- an hour or so without any brain space for it for the remainder of the day and you are sure to be surrounded by people who care about you. Plan a lunch or dinner where you are interacting over games, movies or just enjoying plain chit-chat or a deep conversation, with no social media distractions !

         -UrWellnessBuddy Blogs

Emotional Intelligence: Why it is one of the most demanding skill and 10 ways to improve it !

After all the hype of the I.Q level known to measure and scale your productivity and your ‘smart’ aspect, everyone around has now figured that Emotional Intelligence is just as important!

With E.Q of employees being more of an asset than even I.Q, people all around the world are learning just how having an emotionally mature person around can add to any workplace and can really refine their productivity. With so much in its ‘pros’ list, it is one of the most sought out life-skill in the world!

If you are a scholar on paper but often find your workplace too exhausting or yourself emotionally vulnerable with little or no control over your emotions, read on to know what you can do to not break down and stay emotionally healthy, check out to know more!

1.Observe yourself:

eq1.jpgIn the heady meeting room conversation what we often forget is to observe how we behave from a third man’s point of view. Think of yourself observing someone else without reacting to their personality or words and apply the same rule to yourself to simply take into account how you personally act, react and trouble shoot – all without judging yourself.

2.Accept and take responsibility:

eq2.jpgThe idea of any kind of change comes from the responsibility of acceptance. Accept your temper, your flaws, your reactions and know that your emotional health is in your hands and not just a reaction to the things that happen around you.

3.Never react, always Respond:

eq3Most of us listen to others with the intent of reacting only. That presentation coming up with a bold deadline, the sheer amount of bills, the brainstorming session all of them appear scary if you look at them to react. Instead reply and solve the problem one day at a time, as and when the problem arises.

4.Follow the steps:

“Most people overestimate what they can do in a day, and underestimate what they can do in a month or year.”

eq4Every work can be broken down into simpler tasks and the best way to keep sane during a tornado of work and family life, is by breaking down the gigantic problem to minor pieces. Follow minute steps to solve one aspect everyday and you have a major issue that is no more existent!

5.Pen down your thoughts:

eq5Let’s face it most of us are moody beings with little or no control over what we feel. Write down a journal to observe how your mood goes hand in hand with your surroundings. So even if that one hour of gossip seems like a bonding time with friends it might just be what you need to stop to keep your emotional intelligence healthy. Trust me, it works!

6.Listen to learn:

eq6The ultimate truth about emotionally intelligent people is that they listen without any biases. Listen to people when they talk about loss, heartaches, setbacks, work pressures, memorable time, wedding plans and everything else and filter out only the ‘good’ factors.

7.Ring the Alarm:eq7.jpgUnderstanding emotional intelligence is something that can be cultivated but in the rare times when you want to vent out the frustrations of the past series of unfortunate events, do not hold back! Just make sure it is an occasional day and does not become a habit.

8.Empathize:

eq8Empathy is much better than sympathy and is often the reason people will look to you during their hard times. But the best way to deal with the people around you is to keep yourself in their shoes and observe what you would have done in their circumstances. Result? You will judge less and accept more.

9.Create a Positive lifestyle:

eq9There is no other truth than this “likes attract likes”. Laugh more and make sure that people have a great time around you. Take some time off to de-stress and change the way you look at life by only concentrating on the positives.

10.Learn to handle pressure:

eq10People with high EQ will often know where to draw the line between work life and family life and know just what to take personally and what to forget. Balance this frame of mind in your daily life and know where your professional and personal interests lie to make your life more wholesome.

Emotional Intelligence makes sure you live your life with a better perspective. People with high E.Q know just how to manage teams, projects, and form a unique healthy culture that translates into their work and family life too. With employee’s wellness adding to the top of the list of ‘required skills and aptitude’, you are sure to lead a productive life with these simple and easy life hacks!

“People with high E.Q are known to be more productive, liberal-minded, more giving, good and a real person, creative, with a spirit to lead without a title, and tend to have a more balanced, happy and a fulfilling life than those ones who are not.”

 

                                                                                           -UrWellnessBuddy Blogs

Release Negative Emotions: 10 Ways to Achieve it !

‘Negativity is the poison and Positivity is the eternal nectar !’

The world we live in changes every moment and this is exactly how the universe was meant to be- to change, evolve and transform. But in a rut of heavy competition and compared lifestyles, we are stuck to our primal crab mentalities. A mentality that does nobody any good! How then, are we supposed to evolve as better versions of ourselves?

Find yourself stuck in an infinite loop of negativity, doubts, emotional outburst, jealousy and fear? Here’s a smart person’s guide to let go of negativity and live the life as it comes to you. Find it out.

1.Accept the negativity:

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A part of meditation believes in accepting who you are completely and if negativity has become a verbal or mental habit, the best way to deal with it is to accept it. Want to see your progress on a sheet of paper? Start writing your reactions to situation and evaluate them on a scale of positivity. If you are scoring anywhere below 4, you are being too negative of a situation.

2.Call up your friend or confidant:

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The best way to shift your frame of mind is to confide in a friend or confidant. Make a deal with your friend that if you are whining on a topic regularly while doing nothing about it, they have the right to be straight with you.

3.Understand the use of negativity:

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Like most things in life, every situation can be put to good use and so can any negativity. Surprised? Let’s figure this out. Your incessant fear of accidents can get you to wear a helmet and drive safely, your self-doubt can be the reason you work like a pro and your fear of failure can actually drive you to success. It’s not the negativity we should be scared of, it is how we react to it. “You can’t change, prevent, or delete many of the “Events” that happen in life, but you do have control over your Reaction”

4.Try the Emotional Freedom Technique:

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EFT is believed by many people to really shift the way they think about life. The technique itself varies and includes acupuncture and Thought Field Therapy (TFT) among many other things. The theory is to release blocked energy that may cause negativity. Do know that every therapy needs a professional practitioner with a valid license and should be done only after counselling professionals, doctors and family members.

5.Finding a Physical way to release negativity:

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Negativity may seem like something you can touch but many times it is a physical phenomenon. Try sports or exercises like Yoga, Kick Boxing and dancing that get the aggression out and leave you with a better energy flow.

6.Creativity:

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The best advice anyone can give you is to take some time out to paint, sing, compose, play and create. Be it music, sports, pottery or any kind of art, creativity boosts your ‘feel good’ hormones and shifts your brain to start thinking productively.

7.Meditate:

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A part of accepting the negativity is meditating. Focus on your breath and every time your brain hops to a negative though, observe the thought and the feeling and get your attention back to your breath. Remember to not react to that thought while you are meditating.

8.Focus on the ‘Dos’:

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If you are not suffering from clinical anxiety, there is big chance that you are being negative simply because you are not focusing on the productive things. Make a ‘to-do’ list and follow it every single day to make sure your day is based more on actions than on needless thoughts.

9.Eat good food:

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There is a difference between eating the food you want and eating the food that is good for you. Figure out your comfort food that is in sync with being healthy and you have the perfect stress buster!

10.Compliment:

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The best way to release negative thoughts is by complementing the people around you as well as yourself. This will make people long for your company and will give you something positive to talk about.

The beauty of positivity is that it can be accessed easily. A beautiful poem, a good book or a joke- take your pick!

                                                                                                           

                                                                                       -UrWellnessBuddy Blogs

10 Ways To Practice Mindfulness In Social Media Age

At the turn of the 21th century, people thought internet would do enough to get us by. How wrong were they? Today, Facebook, twitter, Instagram and YouTube is our privileged power and our weakness.

So as much as the phenomena of ‘Digital Detox’ sounds good for 10 days, what we truly need is balance. Still figuring out how to keep your mind sane in a hazy cloud of comments, likes and shares? Here’s a quick fix for social media addiction!

  1. An hour a day: Keep an hour every day that makes you lock out your devices and spend some time playing the guitar in a quiet room, taking a refreshing run or simply reading a book. Your eyes will thank you for a change of sight and your mind will calm down right away.
  1. Multitask like a Pro: What every productive person will tell you is that they are multi-tasking. But what they forget to tell you is you can only do one thing at any given time. So as much as you try to eat with one hand while you type away with the other, you are only doing 2 things at a rate of 50%. Not much productive, is it?
  1. Nestle in the present: How many of us truly take time to see who we are today? Breathe in and breathe out for at least 10 minutes every day and you have a traded secret of mindfulness! Still want to reach out for your phone? Try downloading a breathing app!
  1. Forget the formula: Even though we are living in a progressive world, our idea of success remains pretty primitive, right? The expensive car, the luxury villa and the fancy luxury trips abroad. We say forget the formula that society has come up with to spell a happy life. Carve out your picture of what truly makes your soul happy even without rewards!
  1. Start your day with a Goal: As much as reaching out to tweet the morning selfie is tempting, skip the phone to wake up to a diary waiting for you to write down one thing you want to achieve that day. Sounds pretty simple? Try it! We guarantee a bright day!
  1. Keep a Totem: For those who need something physical to root your conscious to, this is one of the oldest games in learning mindfulness. A totem can be any object that keeps you rooted to reality. It can be a book, a small key chain, a favorite painting or even a spiritual object.
  1. Decide your own speed: As much as we live in a society of timelines, we forget that we all have a purpose that stays true to us. Let go of other peoples’ time scale and progress at your own speed.
  1. Let your mind wander: Now here’s one of the fun activities for mindfulness. Every day, take a few moments to imagine your idea of an ideal life. Give your thoughts details- the decor of your ideal house, the ambiance of your ideal job and the perfect success story.
  1. Own your time: The silliest advice that we get is to keep everyone around us happy. The reality is no one can keep everyone happy at the same time. We say own your schedule- the breaks, the family space, the quiet ride back home and the personal ‘Me’ time, which is O2 for me!

10. End the day with a note: Self affirmation is the key to staying mindful. End the  day by writing one thing you achieved that day and one thing that you learnt about yourself.

Time has always been in a hurry and with a demanding social-media life, we forget that each one of us needs time to polish our inner self. Stay free by taking a few moments to learn mindfulness by knowing who you truly are- sans the norms and the trends.

                                                                                              -UrWellnessBuddy Blogs